Since I often come across articles about introverts and extroverts recently, I also want to write a bit about my thoughts around it.
I don’t think it’s binary thing, but I think I’m closer to introvert. This word is often misused, but they say it’s not really about being shy or quiet. For example this article talks about what real introverts are, or this oneillustrates what’s going on in introvert’s head.
Personally those two below made sense the most to me.
“We can’t underestimate the value of silence. We need to create ourselves, need to spend time alone…
So, introverted doesn’t mean shy or quiet. I don’t hate meeting people, or going for drinks when I’m invited. However, while extroverts gain energy by receiving stimulation from external world, introverts need quiet time, can charge energy by facing inner world. We need to have a rest by shutting out external interference.
Both good things and bad things start and come back inwards. I think that’s introvert’s trait. Communication consumes, so it needs to be selective, let’s avoid unnecessary ones…so don’t take it personally when I say no to invitations or ignore you on trains.
To be honest, I’ve been suffering about this for long time. I’ve been believing that being introverted was bad thing. “Am I not normal not being able to enjoy social?” or “Am I miserable person wanting to be alone at home?” And since everything tends to go towards inwards, self-hate level was quite high too! It was such a bad cycle of “wanting to be alone” > “blaming myself to be alone”. There was literally no rest inside me.
However, reading articles about introverts…I noticed. Perhaps, because of its traits, maybe “visible” things in this world tend to be extrovert’s standard. Extroverts have louder voices. And by receiving reaction, it gets louder. On the other hand, introverts tend to stay quiet…so we can’t see it, hear it. I guess there are lots of people like me, who believe the standard is “extroverts” and “introverted me” is broken and something I have to fix.
Reading the articles by other introverts, now I know at least it’s not just me feeling in this way. I don’t need to worry. I’m not broken. Interestingly by stopping pressure towards myself, I enjoy social situation a bit more. (although I still want to go home early.)
Now….if you understand this kind of things,you’re probably an introvert too 😉
Right, here is an article about how to charge happiness for you then…
Oops, it’s been a year again since the last post…oh well. Although I don’t feel like setting goals per year anymore, it’s a good timing as a self-reminder, so I’m gonna write a post about my currently on-going themesm.
1) Mindfulness = Live my life
This is my absolute top priority. Since I had a big life crisis around 2013, I have kept practicing meditation in order not to get caught by thoughts in my head, also been trying anything around “mindfulness”. For me, not to get stuck with thoughts means to live my life with a certain level of quality. This is my bad trait but I tend to get trapped by worries and thoughts for 24hours, also these thoughts tend to be negative ones, and end up consuming all my energy just for this. By not to be dragged by these stresses, I want to live my life experiencing happiness in front of me. My goal is 60% “now” 🙂 (It’s probably around 20% currently…)
Since I met mindfulness, I can spend more time for the things which make me happy. These are NOT something “I think I should like”, but rather, the things “I simply like it”…perhaps the things I have forced myself to forget or give up, while I grew up. Time for singing lessons, watching films, colouring books, drawing, knitting, etc etc…Thanks to all the revivals last year, I see my passion towards Star wars again, towards the Ghost in the shell, I feel like I became back to a child. I also stopped worrying too much about other people’s acceptance…it allows me to enjoy music genuinely. This year I will shift my energy to those areas rather than just work!
This is also related…but I said goodbye to myself constantly wearing social masks in order to seek acceptance from others. Also said goodbye to the people who approach me in order to make advantage of my weakness. I’m fed up with smiling on my face while crying in my mind. I commit to take care of myself and live strongly.
So, these are my commitment…not only for 2016, but for my life 🙂
I thought I should stop “looking back” post because it looks too ordinary, but well, I haven’t posted anything for long time, and I have time to write something, so why not! Here is a list of my keywords 2014 and favourite products. I’m going to write proper posts about some of the products later but anyway here we go!
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1. Mindfulness
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My recent few years have been like being in the fog. I was stuck thinking repeatedly about what I want to do, stuck in concepts and thoughts, and not living real life. This year was very important for me, because I got out from the fog. I grew up mentally and feel more confidence, strength in me. And what helped me a lot was “mindfulness”. There are loads of tools I used for this, but my most favourite is this one.
Headspace is service to let you meditate regularly, it helped me to have more clarity, forget trivial problems and focus on what the most important thing is. Does meditation sound too religious? Not really, Headspace tells how this makes sense scientifically too. I liked “Start with small (10mins)” approach as well.
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2. Sense of time
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One big thing mindfulness changed inside of me was the sense of time. In recent years, I used to say “OMG is it December already!?” but this year, I felt it was so long…but in a good way.
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I used to feel there was no time to do any of what I want. But meditation taught me, actually, if I’m aware of each moments, I have plenty of time to enjoy different activities. It was big learning, and since then I rarely feel I run out of time.
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Oh..and what is that to do with Interstellar? I mean, someone has told me that meditation is experience of “outside of the clock time”. It feels like that indeed, since I started meditation I noticed that time is not that concrete thing. And is there a world outside of clock? With all those experience and questions, this one easily became one of my favourite films 🙂
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3. Live Lean
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Yes I know, everything is lean now…business, UX, whatever…but this was the year I actually experienced Lean in a real project, which was a massive learning. And I realised it’s all about mindset, not about practice. I even found some similarity to zen and mindfulness! Next year, I want to explore a bit more and do a lot of workshops around this.
For long time, I was avoiding this to challenge…learning to sing! I don’t know when I lost confidence, but I thought I was not good enough. However this year I tried it again. And result? I loved it! The more I do, the more I enjoy it. It doesn’t matter how “good” I am anymore, it’s more about how good I “feel” while singing. And this is the tool I use for practice.
The UI is so bad but it’s really good app for practicing. You can find major songs (mostly Jazz) and karaoke with it! You know, it’s always more fun to sing with instruments.
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5. Fampany!
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I’ll be honest here. Last year I felt stuck with my career and wanted to leave the studio. But this year, we had a big change and it totally improved. I learnt so much from the projects I worked on and I really appreciate how ustwo put effort to move forward.
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Also I can’t forget to mention about this!
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So I would say it was a great year for the studio. I don’t know if it’s me changed or the studio, maybe it’s both but I think ustwo is a great place to work, I’m really looking forward to 2015 and want to contribute more.
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6. Better posture, be Happier
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The last year ended with massive pain, physically, mentally, I used to have constant stomachache. This year, I started chiropractic which improved loads of things about my body! Also because of mindfulness, I’m more aware of my body and minds. I was so surprised that how careless and harsh I used to be for myself. But hey, no more self-abuse!
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Recently I use an app called Happier, made by this amazing woman.
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It’s a kind of gratitude app, but the guide is great and makes sense. It lets me be aware of appreciation, which I tend to ignore. It helped me to notice happiness is always around me. Amazing app!
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7. Japan!
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This year I went back to Japan for 3 times in 6months! It was crazy but I had really good time there. However, one big, sad incident was that we lost our grandfather in July. He was very very important person in the family, I could never imagine losing him. I stayed with my family closely, and thought a lot of things. This incident hit me a lot.
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It was definitely tough time…but meditation helped me to go through all the emotion and steps. It was sad but felt organic. Now somehow I feel like my grandad is there whenever I do meditation. He stays with me and supports me to be happy 🙂
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…And 2015?
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So it was a year of very rich experience. I cried, laughed, got anger and forgave. I’m looking forward to 2015, I’m sure there will be full of surprise again. Have a great new year’s eve everyone!
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Oh, a bit off topic, but this film was surprisingly good… 😛
So…I’m writing a blog after 2 years. From now on, I’m gonna spend more time writing a proper blog entry rather than just quick-posting on social media.
I’m feeling like I’ve been too lazy to try communicating with my words properly. Social media gives me a quick option to share more…yes, it is more, but less experience. And I finally realised, doing less is actually living more.
Also I’m kind of fed up with “fake” me on social media. I tended to capture only the moment which looks nice. And those are the “wish-portrait” of me; the way I wanted to be perceived. “Look! Look how happy my life is! Please someone, tell me my life is amazing!”…Was I happy then? No. There are lots of gaps between them, those ideal me was no where near to real me, and ended up increasing my self-hate.
So I stopped. I decided to live my real life, rather than faking a happy life.
My first birthday is coming soon. A year ago, I was re-born and started a new journey. This blog will be the place to write about that too. Hope I can keep going…no, I will keep going!
